We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
