She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
