My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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