My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
