my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
