worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
