I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
