apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think people are normalizing furries
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
