stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
