you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
