I heard we made out
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
