you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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