you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I want a musical about memes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
