it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
