Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
