My liver just broke up with me...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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