that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize