if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
