You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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