So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
