plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
