he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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