Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
