my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
