I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
