I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
