dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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