Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
