Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
