She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
