All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
