White coat. Heels.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
