FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
