Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
