This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
