went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
