me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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