Apparently you make a good broom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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