I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
