Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
