I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
