I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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