Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
