Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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