video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
