Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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