dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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