Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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