Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When are your genitals available?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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