Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
