i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
