Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
