My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
